Aimless...

Possibly one of the worst parts about dealing with depression is, that when you hit that low, you just feel so.....aimless. It becomes this terrible struggle to find meaning and purpose. Just something to hold on to, some little thread to pull you along. Because its exhausting when you try to do it all by yourself. Even though you know that that is actually all you can really rely on, in the end.

Thankfully, there are so many things that allow one to distract oneself from the fact, but there are times when nothing works. Or maybe, there are times when the right distractions are hard to come by.

Solitude is possibly not the healthiest state for someone like me, but there is cold comfort in the lack of expectation that the person you are talking to actually does, and will continue to hear and understand you. Its easier to trick yourself into believing that you are amazing in your uniqueness, so much so that no one truly understands you. One of the many lies we tell ourselves to cope, to get through the day. Its at times like these though, that you wonder what its all for. Why must we cope? Why must we go on? What is the meaning of all this?

Some people have their gods. Others, their dreams. Yet others, those human connections that somehow, regardless of how twisted and flawed them may be, make things worthwhile. But what of those who have none of that? What of them? What do they do? Questions. Unanswerable, yet there all the same.