"Here....we....go!"

So here we are... New year, new start, new beginning...blah blah blah. 2012 came and went, and not even a hint of the soon-to-be-forgotten "apocalypse". I had a lot to say yesterday, but as seems to be the trend as of late with me, most of it is gone. Maybe I'll come back and re-hash the attempt to record those thoughts when and if they return.

Anyway, I'm trying to not get sick of this year as soon as it starts- which, sadly, is difficult. Its not the best feeling to come into a new year hung over with the residual issues that you didn't really have time to deal with last year. In a way though, I do feel a modicum of calm setting over me, which should coalesce into determination to carry on. I guess we all need our moments to just grieve, hurt, feel down and out and utterly hopeless. Necessary evil, if you will. Then eventually, you get tired of feeling that way, at which point you find a way to delude yourself into believing everything is hunky dory, and life's good... I hope. I still feel terribly tired. The terrible monotony that life is now for me, can be terribly taxing. I guess maybe what I need is to be surprised, to see something which I wouldn't have seen coming and can't understand... maybe. If not its difficult to keep up the pretense of being interested in everything that goes on with everyone else, especially when it is all like one big theatrical performance in which though I am an actor, I am also a detached spectator. I guess I crave to be more like everyone else; able to indulge in delusions (since unfortunately they ARE delusions, and the innocence to think otherwise is lost to me), able to not always need to do the right thing. Its a sad place to be in when you begin to resent your own absurdly over-bearing sense of moral responsibility. Ah, well, what's to be done eh??

Anyway, to all of you who don't have to worry about such useless sentiments as these, and who lead "normal" life, here's sincerely wishing you all a Happy New Year! I just hope you are able to realise how lucky you are to be able to just live life, with "normal" issues and "normal" tendencies towards happiness and sadness, rather than detachment. Also, as a good friend of mine said, be glad to have survived the apocalypse and yet another year of Justin Beiber! *wink*.