That's the way the cookie crumbles...

So it happens again... Life fucks me over, I try hard and pick myself up, with a little help from the few people who really have been there.. And I think ok, let's just stick with them.. No more unnecessary complications, just stick with your friends.. THEN comes fuck-up number 2, which was beyond my control, and where I really thought I'd lost more than I stood to gain by the end of it.. But somehow, the friends remained.. So here I was, going on, thinking “ok, I can do this.. I can be satisfied and happy without any further complications".. And after ages, I have 3 days of fun, and I'm happy.. For a change..

But then, as is always the case, my failings come to bite me in the ass.. And it seems that if you ever do anything which even remotely concerns yourself, you've done something wrong.. And again, it looks like I'm looking at losing the few stable things I had in my life-again. And here I was just feeling like I could get on with everything, without feeling like I don't want to wake up in the morning. But I should have known better. I should know that I shouldn't expect any sense of permanence.. And learn to not get attached, however safe it seems.. Because I will always and forever be the replaceable, and those people who are self-centered enough will always feel it's ok to blame everything on me and try to fix their own lives. I just didn't know how far their interference could reach. But, again, that's my fault. I should have known.

So again I find myself talking to the one thing/place/whatever you want to call it which I can depend on. And even while doing so, I'm worrying how it'll be perceived if seen.. It seems like whatever I do, doesn't really matter... It'll never be enough.. And that, is how the cookie crumbles..

PS: I'm sorry, but I think it's completely unfair how she gets to crush my heart, leave me to pick up the pieces.. And then can decide to come back and try to finish the job after my valiant effort to put it back together in a way that is least intrusive to everyone, by recklessly jeopardizing my relationships with my friends, just because she's not getting exactly what she wants from her life.. But then, when was life fair?