Crawling...

Back to you, my old (and possibly only) friend. As...ungrateful as that may sound, it increasingly feels like the truth. I find myself drifting, but unmoving..

So...New year...another one..joy! -_- The title pretty much sums it up, I guess.. That's what life has come to feel like.. Just existence, just because. Makes everything a chore. And makes one so...tired. But sadly there is that knowledge that you will go on for as long as you have to.

Also, as fucked up a realisation as it is to come to just days before a new calendar year, I've come to realize that I am increasingly finding it impossible to pick myself up and join in the festivities, no matter who I'm with. And I realise how little..rather, almost no...“hope"...I have. It's come to that point that anyone telling me about having hope for me annoys me to the hilt. Sigh.

It really sucks, being hardwired to be unhappy so long as you're alone, yet being so much a freak that you are, indeed, alone. How ever many people care....And are around you...And want to be there for you..because sadly, the feeling rarely, if ever, goes away. And it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the mask on. And console the people who care, and assure them you are ok. And socialize...especially with people who are demanding.

I could go on, but what's the point? Even ramblings have their limits. So till next time...