Well, before I delve into the depths of unraveling the bottled up thoughts and ideas nestled within my skull, let me take a moment to explain my long absence. It is for the most part due to the steps that one must begin to take towards adulthood, when on the precipice between it and ones carefree childhood. For I do believe that on the one hand I am in the middle of the slow and painful yet, inevitable step towards the hassles of adult life, and on the other that my childhood did in fact extend further than I could have possibly expected. So I guess what I am trying to say is that at this point, I cannot complain, all things considered.
Many things have happened in the course of the past year, has it been?? My path has imparted much understanding, some of which I hope to account for in what is to follow. Unfortunately, where to begin and whither it shall end, is beyond me at present. So I guess you, my dear reader, are along for the ride!!
Let me start with some musings about what is by far the most important aspect of my life. I'm sure my previous posts will attest to the fact that my "ray of sunshine" would undoubtedly occupy this position. She gives me strength in more ways than she can imagine, or than she will ever know. And though I firmly believe it is impossible to understand me in the truest sense of the word, I also believe that no one has, or ever will succeed in that endeavor to a greater degree than she. However, sometimes I wonder as to the true extent to which she HAS succeeded. I feel sometimes that she tries to impress me, when in fact there is no need for her to try at all! The only analogy which comes to mind is of a climber who has reached the pinnacle of the highest mountain peak, yet strives to rise further, which can only lead to disappointment, due to the impossibility of the attempt! It seems as though she does not understand how much I love her, and that it is who she is, that impresses me. I also wonder as to whether she truly understand what I feel for her. For sometimes it seems as though she does not understand the depth of my emotions. Its as if she does not realise that it goes beyond the petty arguments, and what she looks like, and what people think of her. Sometimes I wonder whether she understands that however mad I may get as things go along, that I will never love her any less; or how vulnerable it makes me feel!!! I also tend to wonder whether the same feelings are reciprocated; but the irony is that even if they were not, I still would be in the same predicament, for not even then would be capable of changing my feelings. I harbour no illusions that the words here written will ever be capable of expressing the true nature of my emotions, nor that she would accept them to be more than mere words, for thus is to be human- we are afraid of being hurt, and therefore we do not allow ourselves to feel; for to feel, would be to get hurt. And at the dusk of our lives, we find that the fear of so many possibilities has stolen from us our live; for in fear of what might be, we have lost what was.....
Then there are the practical implications of our relationship. That is currently the biggest worry on my mind. For a lad in SL, its no secret that financial stability is hard to achieve this side of 30. However, my target is a lot closer to home, and I am constantly pondering as to whether, and if so how, the process can be sped up. To add to matters, circumstances have proved to be against my relationship in the eyes of my parents, which is yet another weight on my shoulder. Though that is likely sorted out much easier than the former, the fact that it cannot be remedied until the time comes is frustrating to say the least. In conclusion, I guess one must bear ones burden for a predetermined period of time. Apart from that, I'd say I am quite content with the direction that my life is taking.
On a cursory note, I believe the alarming number of funerals this year has provided with me with a insight on the phenomenon of death. It is not so much the person who parts our company, rather the people who are left behind, who in fact are most affected and most in need of support. Thus I feel that the importance in attending the funeral is more to show those persons who mean something to us who have been unfortunate enough to lose someone, that we are there for them, and that they are not alone. Many people who have not understood this, but who have realised that there is not much point in turning up for the funeral (apart from making an appearance and furthering ones social aspirations!) from the point of view of the person who has parted our company, often pay a cursory visit to the funeral proceedings, and forget the most important thing, which would be to be there for the family after all the pomp and pageantry is done. Its an unfortunate but truthful reality in our short and turbulent existence.
I feel I have rambled on far more than is becoming for a single post. Therefore, till we meet again, I bid you adieu......
Monday, July 20, 2009
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
And on to a new chapter.....
This is where i finally come to the quiet decision to depart from the usual (and I'm sure somewhat confusing) style of writing which i tend to lapse into automatically. It's not like this lapse is intentional per say; which means that it will be necessary for me to make a conscious effort in favour of keeping it simple (at least by my highly biased standards!!). So i would implore you to be so kind as to forgive the occasional lapse.
So here goes;
For the first time in my life (and possibly one of the rarest of occasions) I have NO idea what this post is about. So if there is a heading to this post, it most probably will be a reflection of the essence of the post in its entirety. Hence the reason the connection isn't apparent as yet.
Well, lets see.... I guess the most significant change in my life is, as should be apparent from my previous posts, my ray of sunshine!! Because that is truly what she is to me!! Even though there IS the occasional chill that is shot my way, it still cannot dampen the warmth identical (if not markedly more intense) to that which one gets when a ray of sunlight falls on his face!! Oh, the wonders of Love!!
Let me, however, make one thing clear at this early stage. I was not BORN like this. In fact to be this way would be going against the very grain of my temperament. I was probably the most ardent believer in the fact that there was no such thing as true love. It was more about the practical compatibility of two people, rather than the colloquial butterflies and flowers which one is led to believe is what Love truly is. This is where the irony which i have come to associate with life in its purest form comes into play. It is somewhat amusing, to say the least, how in hindsight life has a way of kicking one in the shins by way of a reality check; simply put, how life loves to bite one in the rear!! I'm sure we can all relate to that on some level or another. It appears prudent to call them "Life's little reality checks"!! Not that i would complain about this particular one though!!
Which brings me to my next realisation. I have just arrived at the conclusion that NOTHING in life comes for free; and by that i mean that where there is an up,there is always a down. For an example,you can have the perfect relationship, but the mere fact that its perfect will mean that you will end up missing this special someone whenever you cant be with them. The irony is that it is ENTIRELY because the relationship is perfect, while that is the very reason you would hold on and never let it go!! Which is, undoubtedly, among the most inescapable catch 22 situations!! But i guess it what adds the spice to life. And i must say, i would rather be here, in this situation than any other!!
Life on a general basis is good!! I'm in love with this wonderful person who i miss so often, I'm becoming the cliche of the century;I'm working at a top firm, which is a window of opportunity; I'm FINALLY getting the long awaited guitar (and by long awaited, im talking 5 years long!!!); Money isn't as scarce as i would have expected ;-). So on the whole, I cant complain. I'm quite satisfied and happy with the whole situation!!
So here goes;
For the first time in my life (and possibly one of the rarest of occasions) I have NO idea what this post is about. So if there is a heading to this post, it most probably will be a reflection of the essence of the post in its entirety. Hence the reason the connection isn't apparent as yet.
Well, lets see.... I guess the most significant change in my life is, as should be apparent from my previous posts, my ray of sunshine!! Because that is truly what she is to me!! Even though there IS the occasional chill that is shot my way, it still cannot dampen the warmth identical (if not markedly more intense) to that which one gets when a ray of sunlight falls on his face!! Oh, the wonders of Love!!
Let me, however, make one thing clear at this early stage. I was not BORN like this. In fact to be this way would be going against the very grain of my temperament. I was probably the most ardent believer in the fact that there was no such thing as true love. It was more about the practical compatibility of two people, rather than the colloquial butterflies and flowers which one is led to believe is what Love truly is. This is where the irony which i have come to associate with life in its purest form comes into play. It is somewhat amusing, to say the least, how in hindsight life has a way of kicking one in the shins by way of a reality check; simply put, how life loves to bite one in the rear!! I'm sure we can all relate to that on some level or another. It appears prudent to call them "Life's little reality checks"!! Not that i would complain about this particular one though!!
Which brings me to my next realisation. I have just arrived at the conclusion that NOTHING in life comes for free; and by that i mean that where there is an up,there is always a down. For an example,you can have the perfect relationship, but the mere fact that its perfect will mean that you will end up missing this special someone whenever you cant be with them. The irony is that it is ENTIRELY because the relationship is perfect, while that is the very reason you would hold on and never let it go!! Which is, undoubtedly, among the most inescapable catch 22 situations!! But i guess it what adds the spice to life. And i must say, i would rather be here, in this situation than any other!!
Life on a general basis is good!! I'm in love with this wonderful person who i miss so often, I'm becoming the cliche of the century;I'm working at a top firm, which is a window of opportunity; I'm FINALLY getting the long awaited guitar (and by long awaited, im talking 5 years long!!!); Money isn't as scarce as i would have expected ;-). So on the whole, I cant complain. I'm quite satisfied and happy with the whole situation!!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The damsel in the ivory tower......
As with any normal being, my life is not devoid of the amazing bond shared with that single special person which, more simply put, is commonly referred to as "love". But there the similarity to the average ends. For my current situation is very different to that of the average person. This is because of the many misconceptions surrounding the term "love"!
But before i delve into the deep and murky waters of explanation, let me (as is soon becoming second nature to me) explain my metaphor of choice. Well, as I'm sure you all know, the most common story the Dragon tells is that of the protector of the damsel in the tall tower. The reason my damsel lives in an ivory tower is that the "ivory tower" is our illustration of the unrealistic take on reality; something of what seems to be an impossibility, as it were. So the damsel is in the ivory tower because she did, in fact seem an impossibility- I would even have gone so far as to call her a myth before i met her!
So going back to the Dragons role in the story. The usual scenario is that the damsel is guarded by the poor creature, who is depicted as the monstrous beast, the final barrier necessarily overcome by the "Prince charming" , whose arrival the damsel longingly awaits. But never for a moment does anyone stop to think that maybe it is the Dragon who, in fact cares most for this damsel it so closely guards. And in repayment, what be its plight? A slit in its throat or a stab in the heart by the Prince who damsel is awaiting!! In one way, it wouldn't be wrong to say that under the circumstances, the Dragon could not hope for a better ending. For after the arrival of the Prince, there is nothing more for the Dragon; it has done its part, played its role to perfection, and has nothing to look forward to except the agony of unexpressed love, never to be returned in kind. Gladly, however, this is where the story of this Dragon is far cry from the average. For this Dragon has indeed found its damsel in the ivory tower, who amazingly is capable of understanding the reasons for its actions, and would gladly climb its thorny back to soar on the winds of time, away from all the so called "Princes" who only promise a life of misery after all the initial pomp and pageantry. This Dragon's damsel understands that it has only her best interests at heart, and appreciates it for what it is. This is why the story of this Dragon is swiftly taking a very different path, to a very different ending.
And all this, this Dragon will readily attribute to it's damsel. For it is this amazing lady who gives meaning to its life. It is her that is the wind the Dragon was looking for; the reason it soars so high. And so much more , that it would galdly die than even attempt to put down in words what she means to it.
On that note let me leave the promised dive into "murky waters" for another day. For to do so now would be to take away the emphasis on the actual reason for this post; who indeed deserves so much more than this measly attempt at an explanation. But let no mistake be made about just how much this Dragons damsel means to it!!
But before i delve into the deep and murky waters of explanation, let me (as is soon becoming second nature to me) explain my metaphor of choice. Well, as I'm sure you all know, the most common story the Dragon tells is that of the protector of the damsel in the tall tower. The reason my damsel lives in an ivory tower is that the "ivory tower" is our illustration of the unrealistic take on reality; something of what seems to be an impossibility, as it were. So the damsel is in the ivory tower because she did, in fact seem an impossibility- I would even have gone so far as to call her a myth before i met her!
So going back to the Dragons role in the story. The usual scenario is that the damsel is guarded by the poor creature, who is depicted as the monstrous beast, the final barrier necessarily overcome by the "Prince charming" , whose arrival the damsel longingly awaits. But never for a moment does anyone stop to think that maybe it is the Dragon who, in fact cares most for this damsel it so closely guards. And in repayment, what be its plight? A slit in its throat or a stab in the heart by the Prince who damsel is awaiting!! In one way, it wouldn't be wrong to say that under the circumstances, the Dragon could not hope for a better ending. For after the arrival of the Prince, there is nothing more for the Dragon; it has done its part, played its role to perfection, and has nothing to look forward to except the agony of unexpressed love, never to be returned in kind. Gladly, however, this is where the story of this Dragon is far cry from the average. For this Dragon has indeed found its damsel in the ivory tower, who amazingly is capable of understanding the reasons for its actions, and would gladly climb its thorny back to soar on the winds of time, away from all the so called "Princes" who only promise a life of misery after all the initial pomp and pageantry. This Dragon's damsel understands that it has only her best interests at heart, and appreciates it for what it is. This is why the story of this Dragon is swiftly taking a very different path, to a very different ending.
And all this, this Dragon will readily attribute to it's damsel. For it is this amazing lady who gives meaning to its life. It is her that is the wind the Dragon was looking for; the reason it soars so high. And so much more , that it would galdly die than even attempt to put down in words what she means to it.
On that note let me leave the promised dive into "murky waters" for another day. For to do so now would be to take away the emphasis on the actual reason for this post; who indeed deserves so much more than this measly attempt at an explanation. But let no mistake be made about just how much this Dragons damsel means to it!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Birth of the Dragon..........
Unless I'm personally known to you, i assume the reason you stopped to read this is because of the unusual heading. Therefore i feel it important to explain the choice of "theme", as it were. It must be understood that it is not merely a senseless, childish obsession with Dragons. My use of the term 'merely' is because, on some level, it could be said to be so as well. However, in typical fashion, my adoption of this particular (arguably) mythical creature as a metaphor, I would say, is not entirely unfounded. Since to explain in detail my justification in its entirety would be cumbersome, to say the least, i pray you will settle for a minimal explanation. Let me start thus;
We have all heard about Dragons, in some manner or form, be it in a fairytale (most often) as the villain, as a character in a novel (be it inanimate or otherwise), or as part of traditional myth (especially in countries of the Asian region). Therefore it would be unnatural for one to disagree with such a statement. However, i would like to pose a simple question- WHAT is a Dragon? And here lies the rub. For I'm sure that though you might have just embarked on a lengthy mental explanation, would you be able to verify such a description? For a Dragon, unlike most other creatures we have come across, is mythical. Which is to say that a description, wherever it be from, has little to no chance of being accurate, as I think we all know what happens to anything, on it's journey through many lips (the longer the journey, the grater the effect!). Therefore, one could say that the best (and possibly the only) description would be to say that it is a mystery. However, i hope you did not mistake my statement to mean that i believe that a Dragon is NOT a being, on the basis that it's existence has not been proven. On the contrary! I would even venture so far as to say that to me, It is more real than most other beings. For, to me it symbolises much. Though the image of the Dragon may be distorted in most instances, one has to look no further than the Chinese culture to understand the beauty and respect it is associated with. The ancient Chinese even went so far as to believe that the reason the day ended was because the great Dragon swallows the Sun, each day at a particular time. This larger-than-life image symbolises the perception the people had of the creature that some cultures would consider to be "dreaded". Therefore in my highly biased opinion, the Dragon is a very real being.
Now to the reason i see a metaphorical illustration in the Dragon. The reason for the thoughts expressed thus far, is for the purposes of explaining what it means to me. To me, a Dragon is a being that is real, eventhough I cannot prove to you its existence. It gives me an insight into the manner in which perceptions can differ drastically, through the way various cultures view it. But at the end of the day, the benefit of understanding it can be enjoyed only by those who bother to understand it. Which is the same outlook I have on my life. I do not wish to influence the opinion people have of me. What is seen is what will be received. I will always remain who I am, regardless of what others see me as being. So i feel i am, in fact, looking through the eyes of a Dragon. Therefore it is only logical to assume, that my thoughts thus recorded may, under different circumstances (if such WERE to be made), have been recorded in a ledger of a Dragon.
We have all heard about Dragons, in some manner or form, be it in a fairytale (most often) as the villain, as a character in a novel (be it inanimate or otherwise), or as part of traditional myth (especially in countries of the Asian region). Therefore it would be unnatural for one to disagree with such a statement. However, i would like to pose a simple question- WHAT is a Dragon? And here lies the rub. For I'm sure that though you might have just embarked on a lengthy mental explanation, would you be able to verify such a description? For a Dragon, unlike most other creatures we have come across, is mythical. Which is to say that a description, wherever it be from, has little to no chance of being accurate, as I think we all know what happens to anything, on it's journey through many lips (the longer the journey, the grater the effect!). Therefore, one could say that the best (and possibly the only) description would be to say that it is a mystery. However, i hope you did not mistake my statement to mean that i believe that a Dragon is NOT a being, on the basis that it's existence has not been proven. On the contrary! I would even venture so far as to say that to me, It is more real than most other beings. For, to me it symbolises much. Though the image of the Dragon may be distorted in most instances, one has to look no further than the Chinese culture to understand the beauty and respect it is associated with. The ancient Chinese even went so far as to believe that the reason the day ended was because the great Dragon swallows the Sun, each day at a particular time. This larger-than-life image symbolises the perception the people had of the creature that some cultures would consider to be "dreaded". Therefore in my highly biased opinion, the Dragon is a very real being.
Now to the reason i see a metaphorical illustration in the Dragon. The reason for the thoughts expressed thus far, is for the purposes of explaining what it means to me. To me, a Dragon is a being that is real, eventhough I cannot prove to you its existence. It gives me an insight into the manner in which perceptions can differ drastically, through the way various cultures view it. But at the end of the day, the benefit of understanding it can be enjoyed only by those who bother to understand it. Which is the same outlook I have on my life. I do not wish to influence the opinion people have of me. What is seen is what will be received. I will always remain who I am, regardless of what others see me as being. So i feel i am, in fact, looking through the eyes of a Dragon. Therefore it is only logical to assume, that my thoughts thus recorded may, under different circumstances (if such WERE to be made), have been recorded in a ledger of a Dragon.
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