I sometimes worry that my mind is losing its edge due to severe apathy. I find myself increasingly struggling to find focus, and also I notice that I miss things which I never used to before. I guess its a struggle to maintain the dichotomy between approaches to one's personal and professional lives. Its not as easy as flipping a switch, at least not initially. Looks like I need to find a way to create that dichotomy, for if not my professional life, which has so far been the inadvertent focus of my existence more or less, will suffer.
It really never ends. You'd think the less you want the easier things would become. You'd expect being someone who expects little, if nothing else would at least be able to go about his life in peace. Apparently not. Apparently, even the apathy comes at a price. The question is whether that price is negotiable, and if not...am I willing to pay it? And if I'm not......where does that leave me?
3 comments:
Just a thought -- apathy, I have found, sucks one dry of the chance of happiness, not just happiness in itself. I think it's mostly because we develop it consciously in a bid to be indifferent to things we cannot change/things that hurt us intentionally or otherwise, and then it bites us in the behind. I've found it useful to try and find small things that can lift you out of the 'funk', usually simple and uncomplicated tasks like taking time out for a walk alone. Sometimes helps put things in perspective. Put a try :)
Ahhhh, but see.... I do that all the time! I walk a lot, more so as of late. To the point that I sometimes feel a slight twang of resentment when I get an alternative (and infinitely more comfortable and less time consuming mode of transport!). The issue is the temporary nature of such acts. Perspective isn't the issue. Its the juggling act I fear. In more than one area. Interaction is unfortunately necessary, and reconciling that with.....well, you get the picture. Takes too long to get used to in my opinion *shrug*
It NEVER ends.
No matter which avatar you don, to try and avoid the pain.
Post a Comment