Relatability

So, I've been thinking (shocker), and I have come to yet another "realisation" (surprise!). *smirk* Seems like its time that I abbreviated that sentence into an acronym, so that I don't have to type it out as often as I do.

Anyway, getting back on point. Had a chat with a close friend over social integration, group dynamics and general alienation. Then, that evening I watched the latest X-men movie (which, by the way, I felt was pretty good. Satisfying, even with the liberal interpretation of the comics). These things, coupled with most of my romantic entanglements, and evaluating my friendships made me think about how and why I am where I am. Not that I am complaining, because honestly I am not. It is what it is, and what it is would be negative only when you choose to see it that way. So I choose not to, rather seeing it as just a fact. To clarify, I'm referring to the alienation.

To give a somewhat brief explanation, I have always felt (and still do feel) like a completely solitary, detached person. Most often I see life, including my own experiences, in the third person. In fact, so much so that I wonder why everyone around me sees so little. Maybe its paranoia, maybe its a delusion, but...that's how I feel. Now this is not to say that I am perfect, and that I am incapable of being human. Because I am, as I am reminded in the most inconvenient ways sometimes! The fact remains though, that I feel that way a fraction of the time that most people do. 

So moving on to the realisation. I am different, to everyone, because as explained earlier I am what you may refer to as an oxymoron- full of contrasting characteristics. This means that I have certain attributes which contrasts drastically from each other. At best, there are a rare few who MAY relate to me in those particular ways (bear with me, that wasn't it!).

Now the thing about humans is, that each individual wants to be unique. Everyone wants to FEEL like they are different. Its not enough that they are, by definition and in reality. They want it to be tangible. They want to feel special, and like they are not really part of the crowd. This has the effect of individuals latching on to any seeming deviation from the norm that they see in their characteristics, and developing that trait. They go so far as to build a self image based on this, and adopt attributes which align with this image. Then you add the fact that everyone wants a partner who they can relate to, so they prize someone who is unique in the same way. This is all well and good, if they meet someone who has adopted the characteristic like they did. Unfortunately, that is not me.

I am the person who has those characteristics by default, organically. When they meet me, they initially think "Oh! Someone who understands me, because he feels just like I do!". So its all well and good initially, because there is distinct overlap at the outset. This eventually changes though. Eventually, the difference between the organic and mechanically-adopted characteristic come to light. They realise that they didn't REALLY feel that way, because they cant relate to how the organic version of that characteristic manifests. So they re-evaluate themselves, and realise that they actually can't relate.

So here lies the problem. I live in a world where people subconsciously adopt characteristics which are not their own. This is because of some misguided need to feel different in a tangible way. This is not me venting, nor me being upset about it, because I understand. I do, however, sometimes wish it wasn't the case. I sometimes wish that people were more aware of themselves, and had a more accurate self image. I say this especially for selfish reasons, because I would have options in meeting "someone" (I think you know what I mean). I also wish that people would go about life in a more matter of fact way, without aspiring to be something or someone they feel they OUGHT or would LIKE to be, focusing instead on who they actually are. It seems so pointless. Granted I used to wish that I was not so unique, and granted I probably have moments when I still do. Still, I realise what IS, and have worked at accepting that, and to a great extent I have been successful at it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish there were more people who were closer to that, where I am; having a more accurate image of themselves than they do.

I have, however, accepted and come to terms with this as well. This does not frustrate and upset me like it used to, which I am infinitely glad about. I have decided to embrace my solitude, and enjoy the detached perspective it offers. Makes my life a lot less complicated, and allows me to focus on living in the moment (yet another agreeable concept which is propounded by Buddhist philosophy). So that is my realisation, and how I choose to deal with it. I hope you enjoyed the read! So till next time.....