Thoughts on selflessness...

Before I begin, I'm sure anyone who reads this is thinking that this is a myth. That humans cannot be selfless. You know what though? I disagree. We can, and some of us have a predisposition to be. I will however say, such people are rare....as is becoming increasingly obvious.

To clarify, I don't think this is necessarily something that is desirable in and of itself. In fact, its something that if left unchecked, takes a huge toll on a person. I know this through experience. I have taught myself to evaluate people, and first asses whether someone is worth caring about, given the price it generally entails. So this has made me into someone who will do anything for the few people I care about, often without considering the cost to myself. In the other extreme, I have learned not to do things for anyone else if it will negatively impact  my life, which can sometimes come off as me being cold and detached. It is, however, the only balance I can maintain. Also, to be honest, I couldn't care less what random people think of me.

This is not something I have considered solely from my perspective either. If I consider everyone I know well, I can honestly say I know two people who are truly selfless. One is my mother, and the other I'd rather not mention. What I have seen though, is how they both suffer/ suffered because of their selflessness. Its sad, but when you are surrounded by people who most often ONLY consider things from their perspective, the likelihood of being taken advantage of, and being taken for granted is absurdly high. People also have a very deplorable quality of forgetting a million positive things, rather choosing to define another person by their worst moments. I don't think I need to elaborate further, as the implications should be fairly clear.

Most of the above was a result of one of those lonely moments, plus a family function and a.....memory. Which got me to wondering; does that mean that, the only people that a selfless person can depend on is another selfless person? Think about it....if a person has a predisposition to put people they care about before themselves, logically the best match would be someone who would do the same. That way, the relationship would be one where both people would put the other above, or at least on par, with themselves. Which, is a very scary thought given how few and far between such people are. Doesn't bode well for my "future prospects".

The irony is that, this is probably reading like a very self-righteous and egotistical rant although it is possibly the opposite. Contrary to popular belief, selflessness is NOT a good thing, particularly when it is the inherent reaction. Like all other things, it must be done in moderation and it is difficult when you are built to question any selfish act.

Also, its hard to fight the feeling of alienation. Its difficult to feel part of anything when, what could be called a basic human instinct (i.e. Selfishness) is lacking. I try to ignore it, and I try to pretend otherwise, but deep down that feeling of not belonging is infinitely hard to shake, given how deep seated it has become. Whenever I am not distracting myself, I wonder what I'm doing here. Because everyone around me is strange, and they seem to be a part of something I am not. Sure I understand, and sure I am good at pretending. Sometimes though, I cannot help but face the fact.

Ok, done with the vent for today. So till next time......